Direction

This is supposedly my last semester of my Master’s degree and thus ever as I will never be convinced to go for a PhD. I may some day take a class in my spare time to help me world-build or just for the fun of it, but I’ll never be a full time student again. Assuming I finish all my work this semester. The task seems so daunting, I really don’t like thinking about it, and yet I can’t escape it either. Every day I look at what I’ve accomplished and what still lies ahead of me and almost pee a little.

And the further down this path of engineering I go, the more I realize I think I chose the wrong way and that the crossroads is so far behind me it would be better to keep trucking on in the vain hope that maybe there’s an intersection up ahead. But the metaphorical road is probably actually an illusion, knowing me, and I’m just wearing blinders. Perhaps there is no road at all, the direction completely up to me where I can go. Who crafted those blinders? Society? My parents? Me? And what would I do with that freedom, if I was aware of its existence? I know what I want to do in life, but getting there and succeeding in it are different matters. And thus the road, or maybe the blinders. It gives me a direction, at the very least, and a promise of a reward which may prove empty but is there nonetheless.

I just want that goddamn carrot and to get away from the whip cracking over my ass.

Featured Image from Death to The Stock Photo’s Patrick Chin