The Witcher: A Half-Assed Review for an Older Game

I just finished The Witcher, and here are some of my thoughts on it. First of all, I realize that I started playing it long after the third and most recent game came out, so I know it’s a little outdated. That said, I played the first Neverwinter Nights just before playing Witcher, and one of my favorite facets going into it was seeing all the mechanical similarities that they shared since Witcher runs off of basically the grandchild of the Neverwinter Nights’ engine. And knowing that this game was released about a year after the Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, I still think the graphics looked amazing. There was some goofiness as creatures in the distance moved around jitterly, but most graphical and mechanical flaws were minor and things that, unfortunately, can still be found in modern games.

The first chapter was great, not too long, interesting enough, and provided the setting; I thought I was going to thoroughly enjoy this game. And then the second and third and fourth chapters happened. The rest of the game dragged on until the fifth chapter; by the fourth, I felt like the game was more work than fun, and I didn’t even get satisfaction after completing said work. Kill these things, go here and talk to these people. Now run clear across the map back where you were to collect these items. Thankfully, a little bit of teleportation was offered to the player about midway or I think I would have given up.

The fifth chapter was better than the first, so the game was like a shit sandwich where the shit part is draggy and work. I don’t play video games to work. I work so that I can get money to play video games. To anyone who has an abundance of patience, I would recommend playing through the first Witcher game as it was most definitely fun and made up for the bad parts, but if you don’t have patience, don’t bother as you will lose interest and would have wasted your time. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed killing monsters and banging broads, and I’m glad I pushed through to finishing the game. But god damn, am I even more glad to be done and moving on.