The Wait

Waiting. Always waiting…

I hate waiting.

I’ve waited all my life; it’s all I’ve done. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to get my degree. Waiting for my career to start. Waiting to find that special someone. Waiting for, well, life to actually begin for me. Why is that? Why is it that I’ve known people who aren’t waiting, have never waited…

When will we get The Defenders, dammit?!

That isn’t what this is about.

Perhaps I should be grateful for the Wait. It gives me time to think. But I feel trapped, fidgety, anxious. Lonely. Too many unknowns, not enough data. The unknown makes me uneasy. I suppose that makes me normal.

Normal, like the Wait, is so boring.

Old Wives’ Tale: Dim Reading

If you are anything like me, you love to read. I used to wear cargo pants and carry a book around in one of the pockets; I was especially fond of Tolkien’s works. And since I loved reading so much, I would read whenever I found a few minutes of time, regardless of the light. Many of my family told me that I would hurt my eyes and need glasses if I kept reading in the dark, and now I need corrective lenses. Were they right, or was that just coincidence?

Coincidence. A quick google search will lead you to an article by the ever-helpful website WebMD that reassures us that there is no scientific evidence that  reading in dim light results in any long lasting effects; it only gives the reader eye fatigue or strain. Harvard also points out some other myths about eyesight, such as eating carrots to improve vision.

“No scientific evidence” could mean that it could actually contribute to poor eye health in the long run but no one has proved this yet, but that is a stretch. It is far more likely that those who have spent years studying the eye know what is harmful to the eye and what is not. I could not find any peer-reviewed journal articles supporting or rejecting the claim that dim light reading leads to worse vision, although I did find a study that you may find interesting. According to this study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS), the use of light-emitting eReaders versus a printed book before bed can make it more difficult for you to sleep and impacts your circadian system as the light increases alertness when used immediately before attempting sleep.

So if you want super vision, put down the carrots and stop worrying about the light levels; the best thing for you is probably some form of exposure to massive levels of radiation. I kid! I kid!

Fare thee well, and thanks for reading!

Featured image from’s Kate Williams.

Sup, peeps! Just thought I’d let you know I’m not dead yet. I’ve been hard at work or hardly working the past what feels like forever but was actually just a couple of months. I will likely need another semester to wrap this degree up, and so you get to hear me bitch about it more. I’ve got some entries in the works, but I’ve been stressed over trying to finish my paper by the end of the semester and so I haven’t worked on much else. Now that that is probably screwed over, I may take some time to do my side bullshit. Time will tell. In the meantime, here’s a ferret and a cat.



This is supposedly my last semester of my Master’s degree and thus ever as I will never be convinced to go for a PhD. I may some day take a class in my spare time to help me world-build or just for the fun of it, but I’ll never be a full time student again. Assuming I finish all my work this semester. The task seems so daunting, I really don’t like thinking about it, and yet I can’t escape it either. Every day I look at what I’ve accomplished and what still lies ahead of me and almost pee a little.

And the further down this path of engineering I go, the more I realize I think I chose the wrong way and that the crossroads is so far behind me it would be better to keep trucking on in the vain hope that maybe there’s an intersection up ahead. But the metaphorical road is probably actually an illusion, knowing me, and I’m just wearing blinders. Perhaps there is no road at all, the direction completely up to me where I can go. Who crafted those blinders? Society? My parents? Me? And what would I do with that freedom, if I was aware of its existence? I know what I want to do in life, but getting there and succeeding in it are different matters. And thus the road, or maybe the blinders. It gives me a direction, at the very least, and a promise of a reward which may prove empty but is there nonetheless.

I just want that goddamn carrot and to get away from the whip cracking over my ass.

Featured Image from Death to The Stock Photo’s Patrick Chin