Hello there, Reader. I’ve been gone a while, haven’t I. I meant to write a post a long time ago, but, well, you know the story. Time eludes us all. I moved out of Alaska for a job, and so I’ve been busy with all that entails. The job is intense and requires a lot of hours. That said, a lot of those hours are spent waiting, at least for me, so here we are.
Everything I do for fun has taken a hit from my new situation; all I seem to do these days is work and watch Netflix. But as I settle in, I should have more mental endurance to do the things I enjoy that take a little more energy than laying around like a beached whale. And one of those things is writing.
I had a bigger vision of this blog when I first started it. I thought I would make it different than those that came before. Do research, provide excellent content, limit my rambling stream of consciousness style. Obviously didn’t happen.
Oh, well. ‘Til next time.
For those of you who like my Shadowbreeze work (which I plan on continuing but I’ve been a busy bee lately), you might be interested in reading or even joining some Play by Post (PbP) games. I’ve recently joined a group on the Paizo website, and you can read our ongoing campaign here. It did just recently start and there are usually at least a few hours between posts, so it is a little slow going currently.
I play a fetchling bard/rogue whose family serves an umbral dragon, the terrible Thraknix. Selena Shadethorn fled her dragon mistress and left the Shadow Plane with the help of her uncle who stayed behind. She now wanders the Material Plane, exploring and never staying in one place for long. She finds herself at a port city called Bloodcove which rests in the roots of a giant mangrove tree. The river Blood meets the ocean nearby, and many an adventurer finds the allure of mysteries and rumored treasure to be discovered upriver irresistible. Few return.
This will be in the style I used to solely write in, a rambling stream of consciousness type post in which I simply review where I am now in comparison to where I was during the course of my previous blog on wordpress and the change I’ve undergone between then and now.
My previous blog currently sits at double my followers, double my views, and half my visitors as this one. My focus in that blog was mostly on myself and was used to express my concerns and edge-lord persona that is the teenager. I talked about nothing of true substance (although I thought it was the world at the time), nothing was prepared or researched, and there were blocks of time (even nearly a full year) without any posts. So why did it get half the views it did let alone double what I’m currently sitting at on this blog? Maybe I haven’t posted as often as I should. But I have 20 more posts in the past two years of maintaining this blog than I did in the four years of using the other. Maybe blogging in general, wordpress specifically, was more popular back in 2010? No matter. I won’t be writing posts like I used to as a general rule, but I have written a few in a similar fashion already. What can I say, it’s easy.
Rereading previous posts always reveals to me how scared I used to be about every little thing and I tend to think I’ve evolved past that. And then something comes along that makes me nervous and I’m reminded again that I haven’t changed all that much. But I have improved in many areas of my life. I’ve relaxed about many concepts, abandoned other archaic ones, picked up some more productive ideas.
But what about my writing style? Has that really improved?
Not really. My writing style is still mostly the same. What has changed is my standard; I have a higher standard of what I will publish. That isn’t saying much. . . My previous standard was a void that consumed every word, every turn of phrase, every tidbit of knowledge and gave value to all. It was a little scavenger, looking for scraps of entertainment everywhere it could. It was shit. So now instead of shit, I give you. . . garbage! I’m a garbage person.
But every now and then a gem slips through the garbage and even the Honorable Future Me deems it good. I hope that this blog first of all currently strives but secondly continues to provide a filter so that the gems are front and center while the shit and garbage is diluted. No guarantees.
May all our posts be shiny this coming year!
Hey, just so you know, not dead yet. Also, I finally finished my last hero forge mini from a group I ordered a long time ago (see post about USPS fiasco). Here they are in all their glory! I feel pretty proud about how well they turned out, mainly because I thought I’d fail miserably.
Feast your eyes on their magnificence! 😉
Waiting. Always waiting…
I hate waiting.
I’ve waited all my life; it’s all I’ve done. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to get my degree. Waiting for my career to start. Waiting to find that special someone. Waiting for, well, life to actually begin for me. Why is that? Why is it that I’ve known people who aren’t waiting, have never waited…
When will we get The Defenders, dammit?!
That isn’t what this is about.
Perhaps I should be grateful for the Wait. It gives me time to think. But I feel trapped, fidgety, anxious. Lonely. Too many unknowns, not enough data. The unknown makes me uneasy. I suppose that makes me normal.
Normal, like the Wait, is so boring.
Sup, peeps! Just thought I’d let you know I’m not dead yet. I’ve been hard at work or hardly working the past what feels like forever but was actually just a couple of months. I will likely need another semester to wrap this degree up, and so you get to hear me bitch about it more. I’ve got some entries in the works, but I’ve been stressed over trying to finish my paper by the end of the semester and so I haven’t worked on much else. Now that that is probably screwed over, I may take some time to do my side bullshit. Time will tell. In the meantime, here’s a ferret and a cat.
This is supposedly my last semester of my Master’s degree and thus ever as I will never be convinced to go for a PhD. I may some day take a class in my spare time to help me world-build or just for the fun of it, but I’ll never be a full time student again. Assuming I finish all my work this semester. The task seems so daunting, I really don’t like thinking about it, and yet I can’t escape it either. Every day I look at what I’ve accomplished and what still lies ahead of me and almost pee a little.
And the further down this path of engineering I go, the more I realize I think I chose the wrong way and that the crossroads is so far behind me it would be better to keep trucking on in the vain hope that maybe there’s an intersection up ahead. But the metaphorical road is probably actually an illusion, knowing me, and I’m just wearing blinders. Perhaps there is no road at all, the direction completely up to me where I can go. Who crafted those blinders? Society? My parents? Me? And what would I do with that freedom, if I was aware of its existence? I know what I want to do in life, but getting there and succeeding in it are different matters. And thus the road, or maybe the blinders. It gives me a direction, at the very least, and a promise of a reward which may prove empty but is there nonetheless.
I just want that goddamn carrot and to get away from the whip cracking over my ass.
Featured Image from Death to The Stock Photo’s Patrick Chin